My best drinking buddy and closest friend did the last 6 months of her journey into the throes of chronic alcoholism. She kept a glass of wine next to her bed so that she'd have it when she woke up. Then, she died this past Valentines Day. Sorry to not put a pretty face on it but if you're considering doing this or are already doing it please seek help.
This is one of the reasons also that I have been sober for 48 days. I'll never forget her looking at me and saying "watch out because someday this will be you". It took me from Valentines Day until the end of May to wake the heck up.
Please, please seek help if you're doing this.