Thanks for your post. I have had to detach from a friend who is an alcoholic and it is bugging me that I had to do it, but my first loyalty is to me, not him. The fact he's a friend rather than a spouse or family member makes it easier for me than what I read from others here who have closer relationships.
It is indeed ALL ABOUT HIM! I realized that a long time ago; when we'd talk he would talk non stop about things on his mind and never ask how I was, what's new, etc., like friends generally do. Phone calls were monopolized by him, all I did was listen. That gets old, I want someone to ask how I am, is life treating me well, and he just cant do that.
Now he's mad as hell at me because I had to detach. Knowing him I emailed trying to explain the WHY of how I feel knowing he'd gloss over it, but it's there for him to read should he ever want to. Maybe in a lucid moment he'll sort of understand? I dont know. I just know I could not keep doing what I was doing, it's too stressful and wore me down.
Good luck to you,
Funkynassau