Bunny,
Please stop beating up on yourself. Instead, use that energy to strengthen your resolve and make a new plan for how you'll stay sober. Ask your bf to help you with your plan if that will make you or him feel better. You've experienced a great change. (Btw, how awesome is NZ? I'd move there in a heartbeat!
) But you may need extra support dealing with the change. Get yourself that extra support if you can.
Falling off the wagon happens. But you can come back stronger!
I wish you the best,
June