Originally Posted by Mukti3

"I found AA via treatment, and it was in treatment that I was invited to express my feelings. I purged and purged, yet I continued to hold onto pain. At some point I found that it was up to me to let go, and sometimes I had to acknowledge that I was no longer grieving what I thought I was grieving."

Merrill, I'm sorry that you did not find complete emotional expression ultimately relieving to you. It sounds like you somehow got stuck in the process. I am also sorry that whatever you found you were truly grieving in the end was not helpful for you to go on feeling.
For me, however, brutal honesty with myself means I must allow myself to fully grieve everything that I need to. With kind, compassionate assistance from my therapist, supportive others, and the grace of my HP, I hope to move through it and come out the other side. Anything less than complete self-compassion (note I am not meaning the traditional understanding of self-pity - a big difference) will prove deadly for me. There is a great article on the difference between self-pity and healthy "self sorrowing" by therapist Pete Walker Pete Walker, M.A. Psychotherapy in which he says:

" Iam often saddened when I hear adult children parrot the "conventional wisdom" that it is bad to feel sorry for yourself. This so-called wisdom shames people out of normal, healthy, self-pity. Everyone needs to occasionally feel sorry for themselves. Tears for the self are some of the most potently healing experiences of recovery. Self-pity, in balance and moderation, is extremely healing. Recovery, in fact, is often very limited until there are profound experiences of feeling sorry for the self. Self-pity in balanced moderation is the miraculously releasing gift of "self-sorrowing".
Since many folks who struggle with substance use are also adult children (like me) this fits for me.

I am in no way trying to be disrespect to ideas in AA that work for folks. I just want to present an alternative way of looking at things for my own sake and any others who may find it helpful. Live and Let Live works for me.