Hi Lewis,
Maybe I could offer a suggestion. I am the recovering alcoholic wife, married almost 29 years. My husband and I are still together, but it was touch and go for a while. One day he said " I just want my wife back." That was the statement that turned things around for me. I went into a quiet, private detox ( because I'm like your wife in that respect....no grand announcements came from me ), then began immediately seeing an addictions therapist after that. AA works for so many here on SR, but it was not my path. There were other "tools" I added to my recovery.....yoga, meditation, tons of reading ( including the Big Book several times), and a complete change in diet. All these things, plus distancing myself from my drinking buddies for a good, long while, helped me get sober. My husband and I are back on track, and life is really good right now. But it took a lot of work.
If your wife won't go to AA, would she agree to seeing an addictions therapist? There are also many other recovery methods out there. If you are new to SR, keep reading. Lots of great folks here with invaluable insight.