Zen, I'm glad you are working on all this now. Most people don't realize how unhealthy they are until they turn 40.
You seem really into nature which is great. I'm thinking if you find a woman who shares this passion, you will find intensity in your relationship thru the outdoor sports you do together. Who needs to fight after skiing powder all day?
Are you planning on working the 12 steps? I feel like I really need to do that, and am looking for a sponsor. I'm not saying you should do it too, I'm just curious about what your recovery plans are.