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Well..last night we had a big row. It's over. We visited one of his friends, and the discussion of children came up and I said with the amount he drank kids woudl not be an issue. Yet. anyway, I left his early, adn the next day, he dumped me. He said I had killed any love he had for me with what i'd said. His friend at the time agreed with me, that he would have to cut down on the alcohol if we had children, but I seem to have born the brunt of it all. He says he no longer loves me, which has cut me in two. I cried on the phone wiht him for an hour, because I love him so much, I just want him to try and cut down a bit, and in turn things woudl be better, as I'd be able to see him making an effort. I think the short answer is, he knows at the moment, he just can't do it. He is an alcoholic. I know this for sure now. Apparently I am the one with the problem. I'm insecure, paranoid and jealous, and he is right, he has made me all these things with the things he has done. The alcohol is not the only problem. He surrounds himself with lots of back up plans as i see it. Girls text him and call all times of the day and night, I feel scared he will go off with someone else. I almost feel stupid. he has been the only man to make me feel good about myself. He always told me how much he loved me, how good I looked, when I know I'm overweight and fed up. Think I have problems I need to deal with myself. But now I'm alone. He won't ever come back to me now. He is so angry. I think he hates me. He says he will never come back to me as he feels nothing for me. Yet christmas day he loved me. Now he does'nt. Just like that. makes me wonder if he ever really loved me at all. How could I be so stupid. I knwo what you are all thinking. She's had a lucky escape, and I know deep down this is probably true, I'm not so blind. But fact is, I love him, I still love him, and I still want him, for all his faults. I feel so alone. I don't have many friends, but some good ones. When I'm alone I'm totally miserable. The thoguth of starting over all over again is too much. I'm 31 and all my friends are settles with families and every relationship I have falls apart. I know I'm not easy to get on with too but I keep choosing the wrong men. I planned all my work around him over xmas and new year, now I'm at at lost end. I have no one to be with new year, although I do have family which I know sounds selfish, but the thought of being alone at new year scares me. I dont ant to be alone