Originally Posted by
butterfly2013 
I want to heal, but I have not let go of all this baggage. I recently read a quote that said something like "we each have the power to heal ourselves." That is very affirming and empowering, but how do I get there? Part of it is stopping contact, like you suggested, but the healing process seems very unclear to me.
Everyone's healing process is different, but one common theme is being proactive about it. It's not something that just happens overnight or when we aren't paying attention.
Stopping contact is a big first step. Second would be to start paying attention to your obsessive thoughts in your head. Begin to notice how often thoughts of him (and her) cross your mind. You may be amazed at how often this happens. Journaling helped me get it out of my head and on paper, making it a little easier to let go of as well as being able to chart my progress. I was honest with my entries about how I was feeling each day. It helped me reach a point of acceptance...that this is what it is, even if I don't like it.
Keeping busy also helps. Learn to distract yourself with your own life. Graduate school offers a lot of extra opportunities to stay busy. Volunteer, take up a new hobby, spend lots of one on one time with your kid, etc.