Butterfly, I'd agree with others that abiding by the court order doesn't imply recovery. Attending AA while still drinking in order to show the court he's serious isn't recovery. The judge in our divorce and custody hearings didn't order AXH to attend AA because there's no way to prove he attends.
Originally Posted by
butterfly2013 
I'm still trying to reconcile the fact that the wife, the former "other woman" is now the step-mom. And the fact that my ex is doing *everything* with her/for her that he never did for me and our son. It still really hurts.
I had to work through the same feelings with AXH and his GF. What helped was the realization that even though he did go out with her and her kids and DS to do the things he alway failed to actually do with DS and I (i.e. promised to do but was passed out or too angry to actually do): 1. she always planned and paid and 2. AXH also continued to lie to her as much as he had always lied to me. Later, I also found out that the lies continued to include that he was not drinking, and AXH was 'in a mood' (aka angry and abusive) during several of those outings. After a while I realized that if having the 'family outings' with him included dealing with the lies and abuse, I really didn't want it. She may have gotten some of the fun, but she also got the drinking, the abuse, the joy of shouldering all of her responsibilities and most of his as well.
I'm still mad at the GF and still think she's a major f-ing b for continuing to bring DS into the same house as a drunk and abusive AXH just to try to prove that the guy she let into her and her kids' lives was a good guy. It still makes me want to hurl thinking about her trying to tell me things about DS so I could do things HE likes (for example, she KNEW he'd love to go to the waterpark because he likes to swim. When in reality, DS was and still is terrified of water deeper than the tub.) But when it came down to it, she took DS with her when she had to leave her house when AXH really got on a tear. She could've left DS at the house with AXH, but she didn't.
Just like I couldn't control his drinking and behavior, she couldn't. I didn't have to like her; I didn't have to appreciate her trying to prove AXH wasn't an abusive a--hat. I didn't have to believe her self-image of being an over-protective mama, but I did try to trust that she'd watch over DS, because she saw herself that way.