Hi everyone! I think I'm a double winner, too! I love the term (it makes me feel so special
).
I've been an active, high functioning alcoholic since my early 20's (I'm 34 now). I met my husband on a camping trip and we hit it off because he had beer. Ha!
Our entire relationship--for 10 years now-- has been based on two things, alcohol and abuse. I've been wanting to get out for so long, but the harder I try to leave the more difficult it seems. It's like I've been trapped in one of those Chinese finger trap things where the more you try to pull out the more stuck you are.
I couldn't understand why I couldn't just leave. Or why HE wouldn't just leave. Neither of us are happy. But now that I know the term Double Winner it makes so much sense!!!
I did not consider us alcoholics. We are just people who like to drink. Alot. Neither of us have the sad alcoholic story. He's successful in his business and I'm a mom of two and a straight-A grad student. Neither of us have DUI's or jail time or any real major consequences of our drinking. But, finally, I couldn't deny that my drinking was becoming a major, major issue in my life. I am now in AA.
Since getting sober, it's startling to notice how much my husband actually drinks. Today, for instance, it is early afternoon and he's already 4 drinks in. There are probably 10 more hours left of drinking! Yesterday, I did count his drinks because I am super curious. He drank 2 or three vodka drinks, two glasses of red wine at dinner and then half a box of red wine at home (I think the boxes contain 2 bottles or a little more?)
He doesn't get visibly drunk, usually. He is a super-large man so he may be able to process larger amounts of alcohol better than most people. But he is a major grump, very impatient, super angry. He yells, belittles, insults, talks mostly in sarcasm, peppers 50 percent of his interactions with me or our kids with eye rolls. Now that I am sober, it is so clear to see how this behavior is addiction-related. I could never piece it together because of how much I've been drinking. All he really wants to do is to sit and watch tv and drink.
Every day I ask myself why I'm still here...
Oh, I guess it's because maybe I'm codependent too... or I'm projecting. I still don't know.