Welcome to SR. I am a recovering alcoholic / opiate addict with about 3 years sober from drinking and about 8 months from opiates. Like yourself, I was able to quit drinking but eventually fell into pills when I had surgery and got a perscription from my doctor to help with pain. At first they did help, then they quit working so I took more. When upping my dose wasn't enough, I went to the Oxy. When I couldn't get any more Oxy I started smoking heroin. It might seem extreme but that's really what happened. If you saw me, even back then, you wouldn't have guessed I was a heroin addict. No one knew. My friends knew I couldn't drink but they had no idea what I was doing everytime I retreated to the ladies room... It was a dark existence, to say the least. I experienced things I never thought I would witness or be part of. The hardest part was the fear of running out and being sick. I tried to kick it a few times with no luck because the pain and discomfort would make me crazy after a few days... I'm still not sure how I finally did it but I kept trying until I was totally clean. That was almost a year ago.
I know how it feels to have shameful secrets. I know how it feels to be addicted and alone. I know how hard it can be to reach out. Your post was so honest and I hope it gives you some comfort to at least know that others have been where you are and have been able to get clean. You can do it. The drug and alcohol obsessions were based on all the same issues for me - I re-learned how to live and I am still figuring it out. Nearly All of my old ideas had to be thrown out and replaced by new ones. Even after that, my depression and anxiety lingered a long time. Some days I still have to hold on for dear life. I do AA, therapy, SR forum, Volunteer work at the women's jail, research and see a doctor regularly. I try to keep things honest. I'm not even close to being who I want to be but I'm really proud that I am free of heroin and alcohol today.
Keep reaching out. Learn all you can about addiction and choose to fight this with everything in your power. It doesn't have to be this way for you anymore. Life will improve if you make this your primary focus for a while. I hope you stay away from stronger opiates if at all possible and I hope you are able to begin a journey of recovery. Don't end up where I ended up because it happens more often than people realize. I will keep you in mind and hope to hear updates. Stay strong.