getbetternow

I am writing this from a hotel room in Oslo I am an American citizen. He dumped me by disappearing on a binge for 4 days and not coming back to where we were staying together at his home in Norway. His brother filed a police report but he still refused to speak to me after they found him. No reason was given to me he just disappeared. We were set to be married this year. I am devastated. I was up for 3 nights sleepless and fearing he was dead.

I already had my fears and it has been common for him to not speak for a few days. It has been long distance a lot so hard to tell he was on binges. I am no longer in the relationship I guess but as stated we never broke up. He just disappeared. I have read about codependency and I really feel like it is my fault somehow. I feel horrible.
Should I seek Al Anon even though I am now recovering from this crazy situation but with no partner? I have so many unanswered questions.

I met a man just over a year ago that I fell in love with completely. He lives in Norway and I was visiting. We fell madly in love. The fist time I met him he was drunk. I should have avoided getting to know him but I didn't. He is a super smart, very good looking, charming, and sometimes kind person. I have no experience dealing with alcohol or drug abuse. I at first didn't really notice he was abusing alcohol. Then I later found out also drugs, Meth and hash and sleeping pills. I told myself his usage of substances was unacceptable then later as I grew more attached , what was unacceptable became acceptable, as I wanted to be with him so much. I loved him.

I visited him in Norway many times. The first time was rocky as he was drinking heavily. He was verbally abusive. He told me how sorry he was and promised to not be like this. He stopped drinking as much and become very pleasent to be around the next time I visited. I should not have accepted to verbal abuse and ran, but didn't. We planned to get married. I was applying for Norwegian citizenship and was set to move to Norway.

We often spoke on the phone or skype and he was when sober delightful, amazing, brilliant.

It is hard to let go even though I know in a way he did me a favor. I can not imagine my life in this much chaos. I do not drink or do drugs so many of reactions and ways of handling things feel alien even sociopathic. He was before he left verbally abusive again and blaming his drinking on the pressure I put on him.

I cannot imagine leaving someone in a foreign country alone. His refusal to even speak to me the women who he wanted to have children with boggles my mind. Is this the behavior of addicts? The kind man I fell in love with seems to have been a lie.