Hi and welcome raeth
I think when we find it very hard to stop it's time to admit we can't do this on our own.
Support is definitely something you should be looking at - certainly here, but maybe even beyond that - ever thought of a recovery programme, or rehab even?
Even seeing your Dr might be a start?
or a counsellor if that point of pain you talk about is a recurring issue?
There's helpline and other forums to look at if you feel you might be a danger to yourself. Please do check this link out:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
D