At what point do I say "I love you mom but......
Jess,
you say it at each and every thought that you mention above that pulls you back toward the drinking side.
the stuff that follows after "but" is the healthy sane stuff. the taking care of yourself stuff, not in a selfish way, but in a "i need to look after myself and my child" way.
when i first read that you decided to pick up and drive the 2000miles there and....i thought "trand gesture". not because that is what you were thinking, but because i find it easier for myself to make a grand gesture once in a while than to slug out a hundred smaller ones. and part of that is to forestall being blamed or feeling remiss and guilty somehow. it's about ensuring future blamelessness.
no idea if anything like that is mixed up in it for you.
sigh.
anyway, you talked good sense to yourself.
and seeing instability as not exciting sounds to me like a giant step forward. yay!
this is part of what people mean when they say it's work
sorry your mom is facing extra challenges but glad to see you're not throwing your own life into chaos which wouldn't help anyone.