Hi Guys,
Just thought to drop in and give some feedback. Since posting my first post, I have done a lot of soul-searching and a lot of SR reading. So here is where I am at: Yup, big problem. Our (me & hubby's) problem? No. His drinking = his problem. He has to sort it out. If and When and How he wants to. I learn't the 3 C's and can now confidently say: I did not cause it, I can not control it, I can not cure it.
His denial? Not my problem. His "boys weekend" ahead? Not my problem. The more I read, the more I realised I have my own big problem. I now *think* I get what you guys have been saying all along. And I even have even been able to lable my problem: Co-Dependency. I bought the book of Melodie "Co-dependant No More" and its going to be lovely reading material the weekend. With what I have read so far on SR, I also realised that feeling like the Grinch That Stole Christmas was exactly that: textbook-Co-Dependancy.
So we went to our first session at the psycologist this morning. And it also was our last session together. She's going to see us seperately and work with us individually. I'm looking forward to MY healing: the psycologist is absolutely awesome! In a few minutes (when she asked about my previous relationships before getting married) I heard myself say: "And I just went from one abusive relationship to another kind of abuse in a relationship." And then the penny dropped......
Whether he continues with therapy? Not my problem. You guys were SO right: he is nowhere near ready to quit drinking. Yet again: My problem? No. Our problem? No. Its his and his alone. I have my own problems to deal with. I do have a distinct feeling that I am going to need a lot of support. And it's kinda weird how I only now realise that his drinking was "hidden" from so many people. We get kinda good at been good Co-Dependants, don't we? LOL.
So I am exited to be on the road to MY recovery, nervous to see what's going to happen in our marriage, and very very glad I found SR. My first sober weekend in years were absolutely great and my last act of co-dependancy was on 23 June when I woke him to climb in bed. Detachment is my new friend. And I am learning a whole lot more about me, this disease, and my AH. Proud of myself to be able to recognise it now for what it is: my AH. And then: My own disease.
Take care all of you and thank you for your advices!
The New-and-Improved Grinch
