One big thud off the wagon, after 8 months on
Yikes. I've been able to maintain my sobriety, in part, because my husband polices it with complete impunity. So, he leaves for Sunday - and I'm off and tearing. I've realized now I cannot be a one glass and quit kind of person. There's the whole damn bottle sitting smiling at me. So I got really drunk. And he knows. To say he is angry, is an understatement.
I question what it says about me, to have eight months with no problem (and I do not crave it, when not drinking. When I am bored, it fills the time and then I crave it.)
Perhaps I have never really realized I have no control of myself, and therefore really am an alcoholic.
I'm just so overwhelmed with shame and pain - and the overwhelming urge to die. What in God's name was I thinking.