Add me to those who question...why would you want to remain in a relationship where you have to feign sleep to catch him doing drugs?
Sweetie, is this the life you want for yourself? Because it's not the life you deserve.
Wake up and smell the coffee...or cocaine...because this isn't likely to end any time soon.
I am sorry for your pain, I'm sorry the thoughts of leaving are so scary that staying is your choice. You are worth so very much more than this, really you are.
Hugs