And thanks EVERYONE for your support as I am new to this and didn't realize how many posts I had before I replied to the last 2! Love to write individual to each of you but I need to get my day going soon. I'm overwhelmed by the similar stories as I have always felt so alone in the way this addiction has taken over. It's embarrassing to me and needs to stop. I just am not used to dealing with emotions so it's going to be tough but I'm not giving myself another option. I just need to deal with the feeling of being super uncomfortable in my own skin right now. Today is the 1st day with my husband back at work and it's my summer break from the school district so being alone in my own head is my hardest time. Just trying to figure out how to deal with this as I have good friends but none of them know that I'm anything but a social drinker and so I am not ready to talk with them but I know I can't be alone either. My family knows I have had serious problems in the past with overdoses and all, but I've given everyone the impression that I haven't quit, but I have been getting better. I say that a LOT because they always bring it up and tell me how much they just ask how I'm doing out of worry but I haven't wanted to tell them or quit for that matter. Now I do but feel alone on who to talk to. Too scared right now to go to AA even though I know it would be good for me. I go to church but they all think I am just this wonderful, "got it all together" mom who works with kids with cerebral palsy, down syndrome, autism, etc and think I am just the sweetest person ever! I do have a great heart and a lot of love for everyone and always try to help anyone I can, but I just haven't figured out how to help myself and as soon as I get done helping and doing what I need for the day, I am drinking and drunk within hours so I can drown all the emotions I just couldn't handle dealing with. I've wanted to go in treatment but too scared of what others will think of me and I know I need to just worry about myself and those who care will still be there. Also don't want to lose my job as I love my special kiddos. Anyone else doing this alone or have advice on how to feel so isolated in beating this without help from my wonderful friends and family that live close to me? I am so scared about telling anyone. My husband and kids just think I am trying to get myself healthy because I need to, but not that there was a big problem. No one knows how bad it was but me. Thank you for allowing me to vent my issues. You all are amazing and I appreciate your help more than you know! By the way, my name is Danielle
