Toots, some days I don't know if I'm paying for bad karma or creating new.
The facility and I made the decision to move dad to a different room. He has now been in his own room for a week. They asked both of us to not see mom for about two weeks when we moved him. This has been good and bad. For everyone. He is much more calm and is now with people who don't have Alzheimer's. He loves his own space. He can watch TV, work on his puzzles, take a nap, yak with people, and his favorite, pick his own breakfast, lunch, and dinner from 2 choices everyday. Whenever he wants. He couldn't do that before. He misses mom terribly but he seems to be pretty accepting of it. Whenever I say anything about this must be hard for him he always says it is what it is or well, that's the disease. He doesn't emotionally rely on me as much now. If I miss a phone call, he's ok with when I can get him called back. He has made friends with a lady who is in the same situation and they talk a lot. I'm glad he found his version of SR.
I'm scared to death of who I will meet when I can see mom. 2 weeks in Alzheimer's world can be night and day. They doubled her antipsychotic medication. The only drugs that gave her relief from the emotional suffering. Rotten disease. Anti anxiety and sleeping aid drugs don't work well on this disease so zombie state is about it. I'm the one who made the decision to stop treating her disease. Easy in theory. I think when I see her it will feel very different. I know I did right by her though.
I used to pray for the day she didn't know she was slipping away. Now I wish I could have her back even if it is for a minute or two. Not fair to her though so I will be okay.
With the two rooms, we are now out of money and today I will be finishing up filing for Medicaid. It's official. The state will care for them now. The financial burden lifted will help me tremendously.
As far as my brother, I have no bad feelings. I still text him and call and leave messages keeping him posted regardless. I always say I hope he is doing okay. I choose love and its too hard for him. He can choose what works for him.
None of this is because I am a saint or anymore kind or compassionate than anyone else. I will give some credit to not drinking though. Buddha only knows what would have happened to me if I hadn't quit. It probably would have killed me and I probably would have left a legacy of family pain and destruction behind me.
So...you all get some credit for help making a not so pleasant experience a rewarding one. Just want you all to know that you helping me helped all my family.
People do change the world one person at a time.
xoxo