Welcome Summer! I think it'll help you to be here with us. We understand what you're going through.
When I finally decided to stop pretending I could drink socially - I was doing the same things you are. I had a stash of beer in my closet. My husband saw me just having a few in the evening - never realized I had started in the morning. I'd have to dash out and get a new supply while he was at work. I didn't feel like I was being deceitful - I somehow justified it as being ok.
In the end, I couldn't make a move without it - I was totally dependent on it. It's good you're ready to kick this stuff out of your life. You only think you need it. I promise there's life after alcohol.
Congrats on your 3rd day - we're glad you're here.
