One of the things that is typical with the dance of addiction is that our behavior is very predictable. When we begin to change, the addict will often escalate their behavior trying to get us to behave in our very predictable manner. When we begin to change, we become unpredictable to them and they are left on the dance floor to dance all by themselves. In other words, their behavior is exposed......the manipulation is no longer getting the predictable response.
This is a dynamic change. Our own behavioral changes will cause a change in the dynamic of the relationship. It's is why we so often suggest that the loved ones of addicts take care of themselves first and foremost.
It is so good to read how you are taking care of YOU and allowing your husband the opportunity to take ownership of his own behavior and addiction. Your examples of how you are doing this provides a road map for others.
Keep taking care of you!!! Sending thoughts and prayers of support your way.
gentle hugs
ke