I was dealing with lots of jealousy and insecurity even when he was sober. I couldn't talk to another middle aged man without him getting mad and trying to make me cut him out of my life in one way or the other. He was convinced I was sleeping around. My take on it, was his immense insecurity in himself and his belief that he wasn't good enough for me to love. I deal with his hate and blame now daily through social media. I deal with the rejection and I cry too. And then I laugh at the fact that I am upset about being rejected by an end stage alcoholic (even though I chose to walk away from it) I know only that the pain I feel now is equal to the pain I was experiencing staying with him and this pain will eventually go away! If I stayed or tried to keep him in my life, it would have continued. I have immersed myself in this site when I am not out with my kids or working or with friends. It will get better. Heartbreak is heartbreak and it hurts and then it heals.