Making myself crazy
As I read in here I cry a lot. I mean some things are so helpful but I read a lot of ABF's or AH's try or at least say they will try to quit and contact the significant others with nice words. My ABF just abandons me or sends texts like move on I am. Not only is he an A but he's a jealous extremely insecure person. When we're fighting and not speaking because once again he got drunk and I say I've had enough he runs all around doing as he pleases drinking as much as he wants, but if I go any where or do anything I'm the bad person, he thinks I sleep with or have slept with any man I ever speak to. He makes fights out of nothing. I have been with this man for almost 4 years and I feel so completely stupid for staying so long but mostly for still loving him. I keep thinking about going to al-anon but never have the courage to go, I'm a really shy person and am terrified to walk into a un known group/un comfortable situation alone. How is it so easy for him to just not care,I keep telling myself that's not love!! But why the heck do I still love him this should be easier for me! Does anyone else deal with not only drinking but jealousy and insecurity? I hope this makes sense I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words.