Maybe this will help
Omnipar, I see so much of myself in your writings! I am new to this forum, but far from a beginner when it comes to alcoholics.
I have found that what I say and what I do makes very little difference in my AB's recovery/relapse cycling. What I'm learning to do is take care of me. This is the only way I'm going to come out of this with any sanity left. I've recently discovered a blog called Through an Alanon Filter. This woman has been writing about her life with an alcoholic husband and her experiences with Alanon for several years. I am completely enthralled with it, and feel like I'm starting to find a little peace at last. It really helps to gain perspective reading about another's similar experiences and how they have dealt with them. Perhaps it would be helpful for you too.
Because I'm so new to this forum, it won't let me post a link, but if you google "through an alanon filter" it should come up for you.
I wish you patience and wisdom, and wish for her the strength to recover.