Sounds like you are doing the best you can.
Here is my discovery -- Distance = Safety. Know your boundaries, detach from crazy, and back WAY off.
She (by action) is already telling you she is a mess. Her messing on you will not get her clean, but it will mess you -- as you are discovering.
The kids and I are taking a MAJOR break from crazy. Three week vacation trip without Mrs. Hammer (her choice, again by action, she is a mess). So we have little-to-no crazy, except for what we brought along of it.
In other news. We are going to the National Zoo, today. Personally my favorite critters are the Poop Throwing Monkeys. Reminds me of some of this stuff. Maybe think of like that? Stay clear of the Poop Throwing Monkeys in your life. A's tend to be Poop Throwing Monkeys.