I feel sort of numb today, dont know what Im feeling. He continues to stay in the guest room, but did come to me Sunday night and apologized and said he could tell I was very upset, he believed what I told him was how I saw it going down, but he was having trouble thinking he behaved that way. Said he was going to give me some space and he would think about everything I said. He did say if he ever mistreated me again then I needed to kick him out, or leave myself because he never wanted to hurt me. he meant in that minute not pack up and leave for good I dont think. We havent talked about it since. We did watch tv together last night and he held my hand. I dont know what to do.
When I read online, or here I sometimes feel worse. Im not sure it helps in some ways, maybe wait and see what happens next with him. I realize now what I was doing to myself, and I am angry at myself about it. It all seemed like it happened fast even though its been happening a couple of months once a week. But I feel like I got a kick in the head now and Im awake.
I broke down and talked to one of my girlfriends, she doesnt have much connection to my husband or other friends that might start a rumor or anything like that. She thinks he is under stress and being a guy is using this to let off steam and supress his emotions. She said I did the right thing talking to him, and said I can come stay with her anytime no matter how late if I need to leave because of the way he is acting. I feel better now that I told someone and her reaction helped me.
I havent decided what to do about seeing someone to talk about drug addiction, maybe I will wait and see what he does next if anything. I guess I am scared to open the box bigger, or maybe prematurely.
Thanks to everyone who replied to me.