Dear Anvil--thanks for asking. It just feels to me like the person who has been hurt or abused has no other alternative but to suck it up. For example, the A gets to decide when and if and who they are willing to make amends to. The person who recieved the hurt and damage is admonished to bear no resentment---it is as if having hurt feelings and deep scars is considered a "sin" of the one abused.
I think that the heart of what I don't get is trying to figure out how trust can be restored to the relationship if the perpetrator of the abuse never feels (or willing to demonstrate) that they have any compassion or remorse for the damage they have done. I think trust is hard to come by by just "forgiving" and/or forgetting.
Now, I completely get the part where the co-dependent has done harm or abuse--I I believe that compassion and apology and any restitution possible is well in order if the relationship is to be repaired and able to grow forward. I have no problem at all with that.
I hope I have communicated my confusion--cause this is actually hard to put words to.......(LOL) Anvil, I know I usually don't have a loss for words!!!!!!!
dandylion