It comes down to this, dandylion. We don't have a "stake" in someone else's recovery program--only our own. It's none of our business if they work all 12 Steps as set down in the Big Book or not. Some people recover very nicely without doing the formal 12-Step work or even setting foot in an AA meeting. It isn't something anyone else is "owed."
If an apology or some kind of corrective action is critical to the relationship, then discuss it with the person who aggrieved you. Up to them whether to accommodate you, and up to you what you do about it if they don't. But that is separate from the "amends" in the 9th Step.
Does that make it any clearer?
And it's often a good idea to take a real hard look at our own resentments and the role they are playing in our "need" to have that apology or reparation.