They are supposed to do the "figuring out" during the 8th Step, which is done with the guidance of a sponsor. And the recommended action is to ask the person to whom you are making amends if there were other things that need to be put right.
Remember, amends are not about groveling with apologies to anyone you've ever harmed. It's about setting right, to the extent possible, the wrongs that were done. Are the things that "stick in your craw" things that can be made right? Or are they just resentments at this point that YOU need to address?
And don't forget, Al-Anon has an 8th and 9th Step, too.
