Originally Posted by
mv6348 
Emotionally, that is a different story. I miss him, my stomach gets so sick thinking of him dating another woman, I am hurting and want him to hurt, I want him to care, I feel very lonely, I feel sad. The fact that he is not hurting and feeling indifferent about the break up sucks. He told me that he just doesn't have time to think about it or dwell on things because his life is pretty fragile at the moment. He made a metaphor of walking on top of a fence, having alcohol in one side and depression on the other one. He needs to keep walking on the fence, moving forward, because otherwise he will fall. I get that I have NO power over his alcohol problems and recovery, however, I don't like the fact that I don't and will never understand how the alcoholic brain works.
I am having a REALLY hard time coping with these two contradictions. My brain says something but my heart reacts a different way.
What has been working for me is to continue reading SR and other sources and to reinforce the rational decision you have made. This builds your immunity with continuous aha moments.
For example, just like you I was sick to my stomach thinking of my ex dating another guy. When we first broke up she took to another guy like fish to water. I was spun around like, wth did she even love me? How can the thought of a new person not even cross my mind while she is already doing this...
What helped me is a post I read where it explains that many alcoholics (maybe all?) jump to new relationships because they can't cope with themselves, don't have a sense of themselves at their core and need to be validated by someone. It's some sort of built in fail safe to keep drinking, and not deal with the underlying issues. I may not be summing this up well but the one post did "it's something alcholics just do".
Reading that was like...oh not because she doesn't love me but because she's an alcoholic. Oh and...why should I be care? I shouldn't be basing my self worth on her future actions, there's really no link there.
Once I was over being worried about her dating a new person it all clicked into place for me, I had 100% reached and felt it was time to let her go.
I would say a good 6 months of no contact would be good for you or risk your wound not being healed enough and bleeding again...