Jumping the line
This whole month I've been jumping the sobriety line. It seems like three days is my limit. After three days the cravings and overall sick feeling get to be too much. Also, I've got my brain telling me "dude! You just went three days without a single drop! You've earned a night to go wild!" I can't believe there are people on here who have gone many many years without alcohol - and here I am stoked over three days.
Yes, I am about to answer my own question. I am mostly writing this to get some thoughts out of my head.
I need to focus on the here and now; the today. Not number count how long I've gone. Alcohol is not a reward, it's the problem. A normal lifestyle is not marking the days on my calendar. It's not counting down the hours until I'm off work, or my next day off. As far as the cravings and sick feeling...I visited my usual doctor on Friday and he gave me a low dose of a benzo to take when needed. They seem to be helping a little. I'm trying to be responsible and use them as a last resort. My problem is with how I think and feel. The benzos are helping with my body, but not my mind. How I long for the day where I won't even know the number of days since I last drank.