I hope this was okay to put here as I know this post is old, but I wanted to connect with the members that were so very helpful, kind and supportive to me... A stranger in a very personal struggle.
I quit posting and I am very sorry. I should not have done that.
I hope someone reads this about being so angry and it helps them to see its not about the pool, it's the symptom of something greater.
Reading it again made me stop and think.