Originally Posted by
jlw1971 
He was a kind soul, but a tortured soul, battling against a demon he was unable to tame despite years of trying.
I saw this post yesterday and I did not have the strength to respond. I too lost my brother to his demons. In some ways I feel he was born with them. It always felt to me as though he was fighting something.
In the end it was the alcohol demon that he could no longer fight.
He died November 4th, 1984. He was 18 years old. Of course 18 or 34. The age does not matter so much, the loss is just as profound.
The wounds I have are just as fresh as if I had lost him yesterday as you have. They say time heals all wounds but I have not let them heal. I have hidden from them. I folded them and placed them in a tiny pocket in my heart. For 28 years I have kept them there. For 26 of those years my alcoholism has helped me keep them there.
Every couple years they would sneak out and haunt me. Usually on the anniversary of his death or his birthday. A birthday he no longer had. He would always be 18.
I kept telling myself I was not angry with him and I had no resentments towards him. It is amazing the things we can hide away. It felt as if I let them go I was letting him go. Since I have been sober God keeps placing people or situations right in my path when I need them most. They seem to walk right next to me. I feel one of them is this post. I feel it is God telling me it is time. It is time to deal with this. It is time to open that tiny pocket and deal with the all the feelings I have hidden away.
28 years ago he lost his battle with his demons, but he is at peace. It is my turn to face my demons and find peace. Even though we will find our peace in different places. His in heaven and mine on earth it will somehow draw us closer together.
In some ways I always hoped that he is my guardian angel. That God has allowed him to look in on me from time to time.
There are no words I can say to ease your pain.
Another sign that God put in my path was a prayer yesterday in the 24 hour book.
06/22/2013 Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may face the future with courage. I pray that I may be given strength to face both life and death fearlessly.