help help help... I updated here in February, and have continued to improve and take care of ME, so now, out of the wild blue, I get a call. Looks like my AH hit bottom at last... no job, no car, no money, booze, pills, pot... and suicide looked like the next step. So he's in detox lookin at long term rehab somewhere. I watched when the deputies loaded him in the back of the county car. I stood in the rain, and watched...and didn't even care if I got wet. I watched them leave, and I prayed, and I've been praying for over a year that he would hit his bottom... I never gave up on him... but now, I'm scared. I'm scared of hoping again, I'm scared of the horrible feeling of the specter of relapse and all that goes with it, I'm scared of the pain that's coming, and scared I'll cave and try to "help him". I can't! I almost "helped him to death" for 10 years... world's best enabler that I am. I'm floundering here!!!! Do I hope, do I dare, and if I do, it's gonna hurt like a B... is it? OMG... my prayers are answered... and I just have to do what I've learned from Alanon, and experience... and trust God... HIS plan, and hold on... calm down... love the man, hate the drug... be supportive but not enabling... love him, I love him no matter what, I'll die loving him... whether he drinks or not... but take care of ME, love from a distance, I am a basket case right now. Can I do this? What should I remember, what should I do, what shouldn't I do? One part of me is happy to tears... and one part is scared to death. No more codependent, no more removing barriers, no more screaming and yelling... advice please from someone who knows? Kind words and honest optimism? I'm dug in... I'll give up on him only when I stand beside him laying in a box... until then, how do I get through this part?