Thanks for all the wonderful comments. It is so nice to know there are people out there who understand how I feel, and in some cases EXACTLY how I feel.
I'm starting to believe that recovery from alcoholism and codependency is almost impossible without the help of people who have already recovered. I seriously don't think I ever would have come to the realizations I have without reading as much as I have on SR.
NYCDoglvr, Yes! Hope IS another name for denial and rationalization. I only just realized this, and it was like a lightbulb going on inside my head.
Tuffgirl, My ex was also an angry and resentful drunk, and I was also the #1 target of his negativity. The role of perfect person they play while sober is probably to make up for their crappy behavior while drunk. They want us to believe they would be ideal men without their drinking just as much as we want to believe it.
Unsureoffuture, When they have underlying mental illness they refuse to address, I agree that their chances of recovery are very low.They can't deal with the mental illness until they are sober, but the mental illness is driving the drinking. The more I've learned about alcoholism, the more I believe there is something deeper wrong with my ex.
This is totally OT but can anyone help me figure out how to include quotes in my replies with the little blue boxes? What is wrong with me that I can not figure this out?? 99% of the time I post on SR by iphone. Today though, I sat down at the computer to do it hoping I could figure the blue box thingee out. I went on FAQ's and couldn't find anything. I've been on SR for six months and still can't do this. It's embarrassing! Uggh.