Thanks for the replies. I don't believe my AH has bottomed out but stopped taking drugs when last year when I discovered his usage. He has attended and continues to attend counselling and also attends GA and NA. He talks the talk and comes across very "reasonable" to the outside world but he doesn't walk the walk. I had reason to apply for a protection order in the past and he managed to convince the judge that I was very difficult and talked about all the boxes he has ticked and the judge didn't grant the order.
I have stopped even trying to comminucate with him as he just makes me angry and then I torture myself with my disappointment of behaving insanely. He just laughs at me and tells me its not all addiction but won't explain which is probably just a deflection. He came home once in the past and got down on his knees begging me to forgive him but other than that there has never been any apology. I attended a few of his counselling sessions at his request and on the way home once he asked what living with him was like. He was going straight to work so I said we could discuss it when we had more time in the evening but it hasn't been mentioned since.
He only communicates now via text, partly for record purposes and fear of conflict/challenge and seeing my anger/hurt/sadness. When he does have an odd moment of clarity and asks something I suggest we sit and talk but it never transpires.
He is holding down a full time job and attends his meetings. He never replaced his addiction with anything. He has shut me out completely but yet won't leave. I can see now that all the circumstances of how we got to where we are today is through my sayso as he doesn't take responsibility for anything and I enabled this monster to continue and his response is always "but you said quoting me word for word" and the likes. He is super cunning.
I've repeately told him the marriage is over and I want him to move out and get a reply of "yeah, nothing new there or yeah, I know" and that is all that is offered.
I've sent letter from lawyer regarding seperation and he hasn't even replied to that. I've asked lawyer to send a follow up now but I'm not holding out hope. I don't know what to do with the situation.
In the meantime, I'm trying not to focus on him (hence my name) and attend weekly alanon meetings (no naranon or gamanon locally), attend counselling, have a sponsor, read, read and read on addiction and codependency. I've made huge changes to my life over the last year and am so grateful to have found recovery for myself but its hard to keep going.
Sorry for long post, i'm lost.