Thank you for that description Dreamsofserenity. I hung on to the false sense of "hope" for years. It took me a long time to realize the same thing. I held on to hope for so long that my ADH would stop drinking and magically everything would be perfect and we would live happily ever after. When in reality my ADH has multiple underlying issues (mental illness, immaturity, low self esteem etc) he is not willing to tackle or even address. He refuses to seek help for his alcoholism. He will most likely NEVER get sober and NEVER be that person I need him to be. I held on far too long thinking it was best for the kids but now realize it's not. I recently made the decision that I need to cut my losses and leave. He will never change. If by the grace of God he does then good for him but even then he will not be the one for me. I see that so clearly now thanks to this board and Alanon. It was like looking through a cloudy glass that is now crystal clear.