Did I just make things worse ?
Well after 5-6 years of heavy drinking, I decided to stop after some liver pains following a binge last weekend.
For 2 days I limited myself to 1 light beer to keep the major symptoms at bay and it worked for the most part. Then I went 3 days with nothing.
I actually only felt really bad on day 3 - I felt scared (most of all), shaky, restless, nauseous, cold sweats - ya'll know the drill. But later that day a wave of calm passed over me and I felt like I was on drugs - it was wonderfully weird.
Yesterday I felt great all day, but then for some reason around 9:30 PM I was getting crazy urges. Just one to take the edge off, I kept telling myself. I paced around a while, I tried to calm down, but I couldn't. I caved. I went downstairs and had a big "sip" from my friends Old Fashioned. My brain felt better but my body didn't - the same pains I had throughout my abdomen all week came back for an hour or so.
Today is the next morning and I am so pissed at myself. I feel like a failure. Did I offset the progress I made ? Did I essentially step back 3 days ? Did that one big sip make much of a difference ?
I know this may seem petty to some. I tend to overthink things, which is why I have put off quitting for so long. I just know this kinda thing is finicky. I used to love me some opiates before I started drinking, and quickly figured out that even just one night of that stuff could put me right back to where I was at my worst.
I'm still very much committed to quitting, I just don't wanna feel like I ruined 100% of the progress I have made.