Hi there , and welcome.
You are very articulate, you know what is going on, and you know how to express it.
Anyone who heard that coming out of your mouth would get it.
Anyone who doesn't is probably doing drugs or recovering from doing them. It's like a cycle. This cycle is a problem, it's making a devoted loving wife miserable. It's breaking down the relationship, he needs to look at it, he won't , until he has to. In the meantime, please, get educated about addiction, look into co dependency.
If you can, get to an alonon meeting, or a counselor, and tell them your story.
You can overcome the side of this that confuses you, and makes you crazy.
So glad you posted, please keep posting.