I don't know how to respond individually to each post so I'm addressing you here:
densobersoul,
Thank you for your insight about your mom and how her trying to fix things actually made it harder for you. It's important for me to hear things like that. It helps me keep my head straight.
faithlove,
It's so refreshing to hear the support of a mom in similar shoes. Thank you. Yes, I believe his father still uses on a daily basis. He spends the time he does with him because he wants to. When I suggest otherwise, it hurts him deeply and I NEVER want to come between he and his father (unless it's a safety issue and there hasn't been one since we separated). It's such a blurred line, really, and it changes daily. I am usually trying to gauge myself somewhere between hyper-sensitive and clear thinking without projecting all of my triggers onto my son. It's so hard.
Thanks, too for the book suggestions. I'll eat them up.
And thanks for the supportive, kind words. This forum is amazing. It hasn't even been 24 hours and I already feel like I have a cyber crew of understanding. It feels really good.
sara21,
Thank you for reaffirming my position and for reminding me to keep it clean with my son. I work really hard never to badmouth his father. My own mother taught me that. She had plenty of reason to, but never tore my father down. I imagine my life otherwise and how much more difficult things would be and would have been for me. Thanks again.
vale,
Thank you for the encouragement. I completely understand what you mean already! In such a short time I feel so understood and cared for. Thank you for taking the time to connect.
allforcnm,
Your insight about my relationship with my son is so helpful. You are probable correct in sensing that it has a lot to do with his age. Because of my history with my husband, I can't help but think it has everything to do with that. It's helpful to think that he's struggling as a preteen, in general, and that the support he is getting will help to see him through.
My husband continues to deny any addiction, to this day. This makes me very sad, mostly for him because he is a kind, gentle, loving person aside from his addiction. I am happy to hear that your husband sought help. That is so courageous and strong. It makes me smile to think about the both of you working working towards something healthy together.
Finally, thanks for the suggestions about the stickies and websites. I most definitely will check them out.
You are all so wonderful and I feel so blessed to have found you and to be a part of such an incredible community.
Much love.