Living under the shadow of him ATTEMPTING to blame you for the psychological issues your son is having is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE. Part of being a grown adult and parent is the ability to take care of your offspring and you've done just that: pulling your son from a dangerous situation and protecting him. Perhaps there are resources you can tap in order to take your son to counseling? I'm not a parent, but there are so many mothers and fathers on this forum who will be able to advise you more in this regard.
You're away from his direct and immediate influence- you're in a better spot than you realize. You've seen him lie and steal for years and his behavior and words will not change until he's on a solid recovery path.
If you're not attending any fellowships or meetings, I HIGHLY recommend it. During my stint with my AXBF, going to CoDA helped me the most and kept me sane during the worst times. Having someone to bounce ideas off of, speak your mind to, and be honest with your feelings about in a safe place is invaluable.