justathought

I have posted other another thread about my husband being on suboxune and having fits of rage. He has been on it now for 3 months and during these three months left and stayed with his mother 3 times. This time I stood my ground. He came home yesterday morning with a list of crazy demands of me wanting to quit my job because he insecure and he had talked with his mother and she agreed that my job is too stressful for him and it makes him unhappy. I own a bar. I have owned it for 11 years. There have been a few occasions while he was using that i have been very upset and he has said some horrid things to me while being at work and i decided to drink to forget about it I guess. I don't drink very often, so, no i am not an alcholic. i can count the times on my hand in the last 6 months that I have drank and most of them have been enduced by me being upset, which I realize isn't right, however, call it what it is, we drink to feel different. everyone does. Anytime that i have ever drank even a sip of something my husband get enraged with me, leaves goes on 4 day binges in hotel rooms. Basically, turns the tables on me just to have an excuse. After he finally went on suboxune, and started taking the steps in his life to make it better on his own, I made the decision for us and him that i could never have a drink again. He needed me to be sober. So since that day I have not drank. Things had actually been going extremely well, he went back to work, he was handing me his paychecks, i wasn't stressing over money, i was taking time off of work to be home more, and started finally setting goals to maybe stop bartending and just manage things and maybe get a different day job or something that he didn't have to worry about me going to work, getting hit on, drinking, just all these insecurities that go along w being in that siuation. It's not easy to be with someone that gets hit on constantly.

Durning this time on suboxune he makes new excuses to get get angry with me and rage and leave and go to his moms. She never sends him away. And after he went to his moms for a few days and came home i took him back in as if nothing happened. not letting him be accountable for his rage or leaving. After all, he wasn't using. I made him be accountable when he was, let him lose his car, stopped bailing him out, stopped paying his bills, and then, he finally one day, on his own, went to the doctor and got on suboxune. after i stopped enabling him and started to hold him accountable. For some reason while he was on suboxune i stopped doing that. maybe i was afraid that he would relapse. But this time i decided that his rage on suboxune with or without using was unacceptable expesically when i was doing nothing wrong myself and taking time off work. I wrote him a letter asking him to please stop going to his mothers everytime we have a fight and to please stop treating me the way he does when he gets angry or is feeling withdrawls. I thought maybe he would think about this and maybe say he was sorry and that he would work on it and he knew it was wrong. instead he packed his bags and left cuz he didn't want to hear what i had to say. I was putting him down in his eyes and he is such a horrid person, then he will leave and blah blah blah.

So last Thursday he went to his moms. He came over with his unreasonable list of demands about quitting my job and other crazy things and that he would not come home until this list changes. The fight had nothing to do with my job. My job hadn't been brought up in months. But he twisted it into that and now in order for him to come home, help me with bills, and so forth, i had to quit my job and in the mean time, he was going to stay living with his parents until i did all of these things. Well, I stood my ground and said no. he kept texting and over and over again saying i didn't love him if i didn't do this for him and he is insecure and needs this from me. Now, I said to him, you come home, stop leaving every time we fight. Give me the security that you are not gonna up and leave all the time, pay the bills on time, and I will more that happily take the steps toward getting out of the bar, but he has to come home and start acting like he is married and stop running off to his moms every time. he did not agree to this and wanted it his way. i refused to allow him to manipulate me and stood my ground.

Well, today he relapsed. His mother called me crying and upset and of course he called me crying saying that she accused him of being on drugs and he wasn't and he needed to come home. i knew immediately from his voice he was using. I talked with his mom and she doesn't know what to do and she had stories he had told her that were crazy untrue. I told her that she should of called me when he got there knowing that he is an addict and told him to go home in the first place and taking him in wasn't helping him whatsoever and that our communication about his addiction has to open at all times or he will never get better. She said that if he didn't have a problem that she would of sent him home to deal with his wife, but because he does she wants him safe with her.

After a long conversation she asked me to please let him come home and sleep it off for the saftey of others on the road. i agreed to let him come home. i took my daugther to her fathers, called off of work and his mother has agreed not to let him play both sides again. progress. After he wakes up they are both coming over to talk with him. They said to call them as soon as he wakes up so he cannot leave again.

I feel like if they never would of let him back home in the first place, he wouldn't have relapsed. What do i do or say to him when he wakes up? I really need help with this and with what to talk with his parents about. Tough love is hard to do when you are a parent.

Hope i get some responses before he wakes up.