A lot of times we obsess over whether or not it's cool to label someone before we confront the issue.
In short, it doesn't matter whether or not he's a "real" alcoholic. The fact is his drinking causes you distress, he's unwilling to change it, and neither of you are willing to act on this information. In my mind, whatever the reasons, you've got yourself a impasse. Even if he is an alcoholic, he has the right to run his life however he wants to, even if that means running it into the ground.
All you can change is you. You can dig in and wait for him to change this behavior, but from the sounds of it, you'll be waiting for awhile.
In future relationships, a personal boundary you might have is, "I don't get into relationships with people who drink." Clearly for some reason it's triggering for you and you might want to explore that with a counselor. But in the meantime?
if drinking is an issue, if it's part of your moral code, than you honor that and break off the relationship. HE is not required to live up to your standards, only his own. any relationship that causes grief, anxiety, and upset is toxic and unhealthy.
^^^ This is great advice.