maggie32, my first suggestion to you would be to educate yourself about the nature of the disease of alcoholism. If you came from a non-drinking culture--like I did, also---chances you are as ignorant as I was. Just for your own edification--knowledge is always power. And, it is a progressive disease. There are different styles of drinking and different stages of progression.
I can't say if he is an alcoholic for sure--and no one on this forum is going to tell you that he is or not. One thing for sure--it is a problem for YOU. There is already conflict in your relationship because of it. That is a great big red flag that something is wrong somewhere.
Read here--the stickies at the top of this page has a wealth of information. You will find a list of recommended readings on the subject--including co-dependency issues.
You might seek out a certified alcohol counselor--someone who has a lot of experience in the field---just to discuss your concerns with. You can call the National Council on Alcoholism to find a qualified person to talk to.
****I came from a culture where, if anyone had ever...ever...had one beer then my mother referred to them as "that drunkard". So, I know that there are extremes of attitude.
I am concerned when I hear you say that you "obsess day and night" and can't concentrate at work. Something is bothering you--big time. No time like the present to get to the bottom of it. This doesn't sound like something that is just going away.
dandylion