Hello RLF,
I am completely overwhelmed and can't afford counseling. The only free place I've been to the counselor didn't understand the dynamic of alcoholism even though I specifically requested someone to talk to that had experience with all of that.
No wonder you are overwhelmed! You are suffering from cancer, PTSD (I am thinking from your marriage and being held at gunpoint) and you are married to an actively drinking down in the trenches drunk.
Okay, you must get support for the cancer first.
I am not a medical professional, just someone who has some experience with some of your problems.
At the hospital, there should be a social worker there who can help you find the help you need.
Also, as a victim of a violent crime, there could be a support group or victim's advocate who could get you counseling and help for your traumatic experiences.
I hope there would be no charge for any support groups for cancer.
There is no charge for going to AlAnon, please start going as soon as possible.
Is there a reason you must get out of your daughter's house quickly?
Oh, I think at AlAnon, you could get some ideas about counselors too.
You are entitled to a lot of help. A lot.
I understand your head is spinning and you think the way to stop it is to go back to what you know!
Please, do not go back to hell just because it is familiar, it is still hell.
You know there is better for you, and if you do not know it,
you
must get help to find it.
He sent me a text today saying that marriage vows say for better and for worse. I know he doesn't want me to continue on with the divorce. I'm not sure what I want to do with that anymore.
Okay, does he do his part now? As in support you in your time of trauma and need?
After your diagnosis and being held up at gunpoint?
You are staying at your daughter's house, and he is posting for casual encounters.
I found out 4 days after he left he was posting/responding to Craigslist personal ads for casual encounters.
This is what you get with him. 4 days after he left. Not even one week.
Have you been tested for any STD's yet?
It's been 6 weeks and the first 3 I could barely eat or sleep and would cry all the time. Nothing feels the same with him gone. I am reminded of him everywhere I go and think of him all the time. I feel lost, devastated, confused, sad, scared to move forward. I felt so sure I was done with him, but the emotional pain has been so strong it feels almost unbearable at times. We talk frequently on the phone.
It
sounds like you are trying to break an addiction to
him.
Emotionally addicted to chaos and heartbreak.
I do understand that too. I have done it myself.
I was able to get out. You can too.
We talk frequently on the phone.
Please try to give it some time without speaking to him.
Going no contact will allow your brain to function better.
Looking from the outside, he looks like a
self-seeking,
self -serving,
selfish drunk.
I was one, and he fits the bill.
He is not treating you with the dignity and respect
any human being deserves.
Please keep coming back RFL, I do care how you are doing and hope you come back for the others who will surely post more tonight and tomorrow.
I am glad you found us.
to Sober Recovery
Beth
recovering alcoholic, recovering codependent, recovering ACoA.
