I feel for your situation. For me i stumbled accross a fundamental change, that i had little awareness of at the time. Within 24 hours it felt like i had jumped out a plane without a prachute but I was still prepared to say "so what".
I came to view that mindset as surrender and not running from pain, rather than panic i came to have a sense of peace.
SR is the only therapist I ever had. I love the wisdom of crowds.