In the beginning I know it's confusing when everyone is telling you to work on you,
when the little voice in the background keeps on saying.."what about him, what about our marriage?"
My 1st Alanon meeting I was like a scared deer in front of headlights
2nd one - was lame and I cried alot
3rd one - I literally jumped out of bed (at 6pm - sad and depressed) threw on my clothes and drove like a banny rooster to the meeting
Keep going to them, if you dont like one, try another one...They help tremendously, the BEST thing I ever did for myself!
Lots of marriages and relationships are ruined..I think every ones situations are different on this..
For instance: One of my gf's husband went into rehab, came out and they got back together.BUT he never stole money from her or abused her, physically, emotionally or mentally. He always treated her like a princess, sober or not. He was a great dad. He just had a problem coming home from the bar after work, a couple nights a week. He never drank at home or in front of his wife or kids...I laugh, cuz I always tell her, she had the "perfect AH"...(not funny, but in her case..its the oddest one Ive seen)
..I tried it, but my XAH lied, cheated, abused and stole from me even after he got out of rehab. He wasnt done drinking, as much as I wanted to believe he would of stopped....I dont know if he jumped ship or if I jumped ship -or the doors were just open for me to walk thru, to find peace in my life and my kids lives...
And Ive seen some who have stayed in their marriages and have ended up burying their spouse from alcoholism and/or drug abuse.
I believe, Each person and their lifestyle/culture/morals is different
but the fact is: Alcoholism/Addiction doesnt care..about any of that
Medically and physically it is out to kill....
So my advice is...Keep on working on YOU!!! They have a tendency to screwing
up our heads and our lives....But why do we let them do that to us???..Ask yourself
that one!...Is it love, fear, convenience, guilt,etc that keeps us holding on for more?
and KEEP posting on here....asking, reading and learning that you are NOT alone!