Originally Posted by
Nonsensical 
... I just yelled it out. "No! I am never drinking again!" I paused for a few seconds, knowing what I started, and just decided to finish it. "And I am never changing my mind."
I repeated it a few more times. Then I gave my beast a lecture on what the word "never" means. Not that IT understands or cares, but it made ME feel better. People in other cars probably thought I was a psycho, all animated and gesticulating in a vehicle by myself. Or maybe they thought I was arguing with someone on a blue tooth phone. I don't really care. It's done.
I feel exhilarated and nervous. I should go run or bike I have so much damn energy right now. Thanks for reading.
Thanks for posting, and congratulations on your Big Plan.
The Beast (your habituated appetite to drink again) understands perfectly and cares very deeply what "never" means, and IT takes a WHOLE new posture with YOU when IT hears YOU say "NEVER". Try to hold your breath for 60 seconds and you will begin to feel what your BEAST feels when it hears "NEVER". Survival appetites will die without repetition. IT now knows You want to kill IT. And now that you've made the Big Plan, IT IS IN the process of dying.
This is partly why I thought you could take advantage of re-cognizing what was going on when you "just stopped caring", as IT so succinctly got you to phrase the lie.
You see, during that night of sleeping, you obtained no new information about how more right or more wrong drinking again would be. Nothing new had happened in your intelligent reasoning process that would have changed your deliberate decision to remain abstinent that felt ironclad the night before.
So, what is presented as a very benign "just stopped caring" was actually the outcome of an extremely desperate battle IT was waging against YOUR intelligence for IT's very existence, and YOU simply caved and gave IT a reprieve. IT is very happy YOU are not working dilligently on R'ing your AV.
Anything that even hints in a round about way that drinking is ok or not drinking is bad - that's IT.
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