Things are slowly improving
After my post of 3 days ago stating that I wanted to die in the midst of a binge, I must state that I have got a bit of grip on the situation. I humiliated myself beyond belief this time and the defining scene in this bender was wetting myself in my parents garden (with them watching me with disgust, I imagine). My poor mother than had to help me out of jeans.
Oh My God - I cringe even thinking about it. But that's one in a long line of humiliations and it's time to stop. On a positive note, I haven't had a drink since 10am yesterday morning and sure am feeling it. The weakness, the anxiety, that hideous smell of the alcohol seeping out of me but I'm determined this time. Enough is enough - I'll be dead in the next few years if I continue like this. Whatever it takes, whatever it takes, whatever it takes.