Mama,
You are not alone. Just as you've discovered with what lilamy has shared, many of us on this board have been through what you are going through to some degree or another.
There is a life of peace and even joy on the other side after living so long with an alcoholic. You deserve peace. You deserve joy...you deserve to be treated with respect.
My STBAXH never physically abused me either...but he did verbally and emotionally abuse me and it got to a point of threatening to kill me. It does not have to be physical to be abuse.
I am sure that it all feels very overwhelming to you at the moment. But I bet you have it in you to do just one thing to start you on your way to loving your life again. Maybe that is getting yourself to an Alanon meeting or contacting a domestic violence hotline or calling an attorney for a free consult. Whatever it is..you need to take care of you and your children and get away from this misery.
Come here when you need strength or to share your story. We get it. And we want to be here for you.
Hugs from one Mama to another ...
MamaKit